he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
