how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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