the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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