Can i not drive my cunt home
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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