Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
