.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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