when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
