Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
