My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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