I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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