Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
