Jerry, you need to find god
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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