so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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