why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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