You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
