I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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