In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
