I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
