um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
