i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
