remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
