well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
