wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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