i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
