how hairy? two words: wookie tits
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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