"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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