I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
