i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
