do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
