I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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