if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dude. I can hear the air.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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