im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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