My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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