Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
