the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
