Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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