I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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