i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
