Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
