She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
