yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
