Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
