Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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