I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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