In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
