you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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