I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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