I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
