It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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