Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
