God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
