Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
