The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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